0400: Reveille
0415: Morning Calisthenics: Crunches and pushups.
0500: Weigh In: If you haven’t reached your goal weight, you cut back your food intake by half until you reach it. If you did make your goal weight, you cut back your food intake in order to reach the next one.
0515: Shower, get ready, try to find clothes that won’t show how “fat” you are.
0700: Nonbreakfast of hot water and instant coffee: Recite Ana Psalm before meal.
0800: Four Mile Run to burn off said “breakfast”
0900: Educational Time: Surf Pro Anorexia Websites, Touch Base With Fasting Buddies (if applicable).
1000: Two hours of aerobics to “earn” “lunch”.
1200: Optional lunchtime panel discussion: When Will You Be Thin Enough: How To Tell By Yourself Because Everyone Who Says You Are Is Lying To You. Lunch will not be provided.
1200: Lunch for those who are too “weak” to skip it.
1300: Obstacle Course: Jump Over the Hurdles of Weight Increments Leading You To Your Goal
Slalom Course Weaving In and Out of Friends Houses, Restaurants and Other Places You “Just Ate” at Before Arriving at Home.
Slither Through Sand Pit of Food That Wants To Get Into You.
200 Yard Dash Potato Sack Race To Burn Off Calories That Most Surely Were Absorbed Through Your Skin In the Sand Pit of Food or That Were Lurking in the Potato Sack
Balance Beam Walk To Keep Your Path as Narrowly Focused In One Direction As Possible, Paying No Attention to Any Danger Signs That Might Be on the Sides (those who listen to those signs and hence fall off the balance beam must repeat the entire course until they complete it).
1430: Educational Time: Read Calorie Content or Diet Books. Pop quizzes will be given frequently. All who get even one answer wrong or at least not perfectly right will have to run laps.
1445: Snack: Hot Tea or Lemon Water served with a side of saltine cracker.
1500: Craft Hour: Make pretty frames for progress photos, artfully arrange your food supplies, paste pictures of foods you can’t eat and food labels into scrapbooks. Draw pictures illustrating your I deal body and what life might look like and contain once you reach your goal weight and become thin enough. Do not notice, or bring up to other cadets or the CO that those good things you strive for through starving yourself thin were the very first things you lost when you began this quest. Partner Up to do tracings of your body. Following the outline, trace along about six inches or so outside of the figure until the original tracing is bordered by an even larger body outline around it. That’s what your real body looks like. Not just the mirror, but the body tracing, is lying to you.
1600: Boot Camp Graduation Ceremony: (for those who “won”). Those with commissary money may send flowers or donate to memorial funds in lieu of flowers as per the wishes of survivors, namely friends and families. Higher Ranking Officers are permitted off base to attend funeral services of graduates.
1700: Dinner: Diet Soda, Water, Buffet of Plain Rice Cakes, Sugar Free Jello, Fat Free Yogurt, Lettuce Leaves, Salad Garnishes, and Spray Butter and Dressing.
1800: Tug of War Contest: (every night except weekends)
“You’ vs. ‘your goal’” night (Mondays)-always ends in a draw.
“You’ versus ‘those who make you eat’-(Wednesdays) you may win a battle but it is a hollow victory and even if you don’t win, your friends/family always lose
“’You versus ‘those thinner than you.’(Tuesdays and Thursdays): you will always lose.
‘You” versus “your body’s natural inclinations to fight your efforts to starve yourself and lose weight.’(Fridays)-ongoing battle, always ends with one in the lead but not quite victorious, occasionally one will triumph over the other but look on the bright side, either way you win.
1900: Watch “thinspirational” videos while “power walking” on the treadmill for an hour to burn off dinner.
2000: Line Up for Diet Pills and/or Laxatives
2030: Update food/weight/measurement logs. Set new goals. Free Time: Read/Write.
2200: Lights Out
(30-2 hours after “lights out”): Laxatives do their job. Individual results may vary. No need to ask permission of the CO to use the latrines.
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Less Shame: A Gain We Can All Deal With
I have never understood the “shaming” approach that many people take toward those with eating disorders or those who are on extreme opposite sides of the spectrum; “fat” and “thin”. Fat people are told to stop eating and thin people are told to eat. A person’s deservingness of nutrition-which EVERYONE needs, regardless of physical size-is tied to their physical appearance. While I would never equate “fat shaming” and “thin shaming”, I want to address a common thread between them: shame.
Shame is hurled outward, turned inward, and internalized and the results are never good. No one is healthier, happier, or more respectful of others because of shame. Shaming a person for their physical size/appearance, eating and exercise habits (real or perceived), or obvious disordered behavior, not only displays a lack of respect for their dignity and humanity, but it doesn’t work. If shaming “fat people” worked, everyone would be thin. And even if it did, is this a world we would want to live in? A world where we could not only use these tactics with impunity and justification, but also be extremely vulnerable to having them used on ourselves. Everyone is alienated from, distrustful of, and critical of each other, but hey, we’re all thin, we’re all quote unquote “healthy.” But are we? To me, it seems akin to living inside of an eating disorder; we’re alienated from not just ourselves but others, distrustful of what people say to us when they comment on our physical appearances, disordered eating habits, or express concern for our mental/physical health, and are hypercritical of ourselves, and occasionally others.
Most people, including myself, wouldn’t wish an eating disorder on their worst enemy. Considering the amount of people who suffer from EDs and also those who exhibit disordered eating habits that aren’t quite extreme enough to qualify as an eating disorder, that’s a lot of people. If each person felt that their eating problem or disorder was something they wouldn’t wish on anyone, imagine what changes could transpire if they lived out this conviction in their daily lives. Add in those who know a friend or family member who suffers with an eating disorder, disordered eating, or who deals with fat oppression and the numbers increase. If everyone made a conscious commitment to refrain from commenting on anyone’s eating habits, criticizing someone’s appearance or food choices, and joining in on or being complicit with (either by silence or laughter) jokes that are made at the expense of fat people or people with eating disorders. If you wouldn’t want it said about you, about a friend struggling with an eating disorder, about a friend who is overweight, don’t say it and don’t allow it to be said by others. And you never know who is listening and what they’re struggling with.
Sometimes people can struggle with serious eating disorders and go unnoticed for many years despite their behaviors and attitudes. Someone could very well be a “fat anorexic” so to speak and dealing with excruciating mixed emotions when someone compliments the very behavior that’s killing them physically and emotionally. On a level they know its not okay, yet they cannot stop themselves and when positive reinforcement is added to their mental confusion, it not only gives them the message that their behaviors are acceptable but that they are “necessary”. Or perhaps they weren’t “serious” to begin with, otherwise, why would someone be complimenting? Instead of seeking out help and beginning a healing process that will contain moments of destabilization, uncertainty, and perceived loss of control, they will cling to an illness that gives them a sense of control and mastery in the face of confusion and contradiction and go to any and all lengths to legitimize and normalize their behaviors. Even a hollow affirmation is better than shame; the shame of being overweight, shame for not being “sick enough” (or even “sick” at all) to recover, and shame for taking up physical and emotional space.
Shame is as effective at encouraging thinness and thus "health" as eating disorders are at bringing about "thin enough".
Shame is hurled outward, turned inward, and internalized and the results are never good. No one is healthier, happier, or more respectful of others because of shame. Shaming a person for their physical size/appearance, eating and exercise habits (real or perceived), or obvious disordered behavior, not only displays a lack of respect for their dignity and humanity, but it doesn’t work. If shaming “fat people” worked, everyone would be thin. And even if it did, is this a world we would want to live in? A world where we could not only use these tactics with impunity and justification, but also be extremely vulnerable to having them used on ourselves. Everyone is alienated from, distrustful of, and critical of each other, but hey, we’re all thin, we’re all quote unquote “healthy.” But are we? To me, it seems akin to living inside of an eating disorder; we’re alienated from not just ourselves but others, distrustful of what people say to us when they comment on our physical appearances, disordered eating habits, or express concern for our mental/physical health, and are hypercritical of ourselves, and occasionally others.
Most people, including myself, wouldn’t wish an eating disorder on their worst enemy. Considering the amount of people who suffer from EDs and also those who exhibit disordered eating habits that aren’t quite extreme enough to qualify as an eating disorder, that’s a lot of people. If each person felt that their eating problem or disorder was something they wouldn’t wish on anyone, imagine what changes could transpire if they lived out this conviction in their daily lives. Add in those who know a friend or family member who suffers with an eating disorder, disordered eating, or who deals with fat oppression and the numbers increase. If everyone made a conscious commitment to refrain from commenting on anyone’s eating habits, criticizing someone’s appearance or food choices, and joining in on or being complicit with (either by silence or laughter) jokes that are made at the expense of fat people or people with eating disorders. If you wouldn’t want it said about you, about a friend struggling with an eating disorder, about a friend who is overweight, don’t say it and don’t allow it to be said by others. And you never know who is listening and what they’re struggling with.
Sometimes people can struggle with serious eating disorders and go unnoticed for many years despite their behaviors and attitudes. Someone could very well be a “fat anorexic” so to speak and dealing with excruciating mixed emotions when someone compliments the very behavior that’s killing them physically and emotionally. On a level they know its not okay, yet they cannot stop themselves and when positive reinforcement is added to their mental confusion, it not only gives them the message that their behaviors are acceptable but that they are “necessary”. Or perhaps they weren’t “serious” to begin with, otherwise, why would someone be complimenting? Instead of seeking out help and beginning a healing process that will contain moments of destabilization, uncertainty, and perceived loss of control, they will cling to an illness that gives them a sense of control and mastery in the face of confusion and contradiction and go to any and all lengths to legitimize and normalize their behaviors. Even a hollow affirmation is better than shame; the shame of being overweight, shame for not being “sick enough” (or even “sick” at all) to recover, and shame for taking up physical and emotional space.
Shame is as effective at encouraging thinness and thus "health" as eating disorders are at bringing about "thin enough".
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